Money in relationships isn’t just about dollars and cents; it’s about power, control, and even identity. When you and your partner sit down to talk finances—or avoid it altogether—it’s rarely just about the numbers. It’s about who has control, who feels responsible, and who might feel left out or uninvolved.

So, let me ask: How do finances affect the balance of power in your relationship? Does one of you handle all the money while the other is in the dark? Or maybe one partner earns a lot more, and that creates some unspoken tension? These dynamics often fly under the radar until they start creating real friction. And by then, it’s usually time to address them.

Power Dynamics and Income Differences: What Happens When One Partner Earns More?

One of the most common issues I see with couples is the tension that comes from income differences. What happens when one partner earns significantly more—or less—than the other? It can lead to this subtle (or not-so-subtle) imbalance where the higher earner feels like they should call all the shots, and the lower earner feels like their voice doesn’t matter.

But here’s the truth: income doesn’t have to equal power. In a healthy relationship, financial decisions should be based on mutual respect and shared goals, not who brings in the bigger paycheck. One way to level the playing field is by having regular check-ins about your finances and setting clear boundaries around how decisions are made.

Here’s something to think about: Do you feel like your financial contributions are valued equally, no matter how much you make? Even if one partner earns more, both of you contribute to the household in different ways—whether that’s managing the bills, making long-term plans, or just handling the everyday stuff. That effort needs to be seen and respected.

Financial Literacy and Control: When One Partner Handles All the Money

It’s not just income differences that can mess with the balance of power. Sometimes, it’s about who understands money better. If one person naturally “gets” finances, they might take on the role of handling all the money. And sure, that might feel convenient at first, but what happens if the other person gets totally disengaged?

I’ve seen this happen a lot: one partner manages everything—bills, investments, savings—while the other partner checks out. It might work for a while, but down the road, it can become a problem. What if something happens to the partner managing everything? Or worse, what if the other person feels too embarrassed to ask questions after being disengaged for so long?

Here’s the thing: both of you need to be in the loop about your finances, even if one person is handling most of the heavy lifting. It’s about staying informed and understanding what’s going on with your money, so you’re both on the same page.

Equity in Financial Effort: It’s Not Just About Who Earns More

Another issue that often comes up is the imbalance in effort when it comes to managing finances. Maybe one partner doesn’t earn as much, but they’re the one dealing with the bills, doing the financial planning, and making sure everything runs smoothly. Meanwhile, the higher earner isn’t really involved in the day-to-day financial stuff.

Remember that time when you tried to bring up finances at dinner, and your partner kind of shut down or changed the subject? It’s time to ask the big question: Do you feel like both of you are putting in equal effort to reach your financial goals? Just because one person earns more doesn’t mean they should be in charge of all the financial decisions. And just because the other person earns less doesn’t mean they should be left out.

When I work with couples, one of the most helpful exercises I suggest is listing out who’s responsible for what when it comes to money. Are you both involved in the decision-making? Even if one person takes the lead, the other should still have a say in setting goals and knowing what’s going on.

Conclusion: It’s Time to Rebalance Your Financial Power

In any relationship, money can either bring you closer or create tension. The key is to make sure that both partners feel valued and empowered when it comes to financial decisions. After all, you chose each other for a reason—there was something that brought you together, whether it was shared values or just a natural connection. Bring that same connection into your finances.

At the end of the day, it’s not about who makes more money or who handles the bills. It’s about making sure both of you feel like you have a voice in the financial decisions that shape your future together.

Make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss the next post in our "Love and Money" series, where we’ll dig into how to plan for major financial milestones and align on long-term financial goals. But for now, remember: it all starts with a conversation.

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