Money. It’s a word that can stir up all kinds of emotions—excitement, stress, fear, maybe even a little dread. But when it comes to relationships, money is way more than just numbers in your bank account. It’s about values, priorities, and, let’s be real, sometimes even power. As someone who works with couples on their financial plans, I’ve seen how money can either bring two people closer together or drive them apart, often depending on how much they actually talk about it—or don’t.

So here’s a question for you: Can you talk about money in your home? If you didn’t immediately say “yes,” trust me, you’re not alone. A lot of couples dodge financial conversations because, let’s face it, they can be uncomfortable. But the thing is, money is a big part of your relationship whether you’re discussing it or not. And the longer you avoid it, the bigger that elephant in the room gets.

Money as Security, Power, and Opportunity in Relationships

When I sit down with couples, I ask them to really think about what money means to them in their relationship. Is it about security? Freedom? Is it a way to enjoy life, travel, or build something meaningful together? Here’s the thing: Money can mean all of that and more. But the tricky part is that you and your partner might have totally different ideas of what money should represent and how it should be used.

Take a second and ask yourself: How does money show up in your relationship? Does it give you security, power, or fun? Are you and your partner even on the same page, or do you each have different ideas of how money fits into your life together? This is where the real financial conversation begins—by understanding how each of you views money and what it represents.

Money Values and Upbringing: Where It All Begins

Here’s something we don’t think about enough: Where did your ideas about money come from? Your upbringing plays a huge role in how you deal with finances today, even if you don’t realize it. Maybe you grew up in a household where money was tight, and saving was drilled into you as a survival skill. Or maybe you had the opposite experience, where money was never an issue and spending freely was the norm.

Now, think about your partner—do you know where their money beliefs or money wounds come from? Have you ever thought about how their upbringing impacts the way they handle saving, spending, or even dealing with debt?

One exercise I love doing with couples is having them write down their financial values and goals separately, then compare them. It’s usually an eye-opener. You’d be surprised how much your views align—or don’t. But that’s okay. The goal is to understand where you both come from so you can build a shared financial future together.

Aligning Financial Goals: Are You on the Same Page?

Once you’ve dug into your financial backgrounds, it’s time for the next big question: Are your financial goals aligned? It’s easy to agree on the big things—like saving for retirement or buying a home—but the details? That’s where things can get sticky. Maybe one of you is all about long-term savings, while the other wants to live in the moment. Maybe one of you is a spender, and the other is a saver. These differences don’t mean you’re incompatible; it just means you need to get on the same page.

Here’s an easy way to start: Write down your financial goals, then share them. You might find you’re more aligned than you thought—or you might realize you’ve got some work to do. Either way, this is a crucial first step in building a financial future that works for both of you.

Conclusion: Time to Start the Conversation

Look, talking about money isn’t always fun, but it’s necessary. In any relationship, financial alignment is the foundation for a future built on trust, security, and understanding. Whether you're dealing with debt, planning for retirement, or just trying to figure out who pays for what, the key is open communication.

If you’ve ever felt like money issues have put a strain on your relationship—or even if you just want to improve your financial conversations—there’s no better time to start aligning your goals. And in the next post, we’ll dive into the impact of power dynamics and financial roles on your relationship. But remember, financial alignment starts with one thing: talking about it.

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